a little poem as an AI gif

 

2023

 

sometimes

i wonder

if we destroy

nature

because 

we cannot bear 

the idea of a beauty

so big

and so unrelated

to our human doing

 

sometimes

the past

only exists

in our imagination

and when confronted 

with reality

it dissolves

sometimes

something

that was meant

to be 

a beginning

turns out to be

the end

sometimes

it’s necessary

to stop mourning

what was never meant 

to be

my business

after all

 

someone

else’s life

will always remain

exactly that

and now

I am free to have 

my own. 

 

the FOG

not outside; 
in me

taking residence

not only in my brain

but everywhere

a barrier

between me and the person I thought I used to be

 

and my “old” version ….

so … I gave the AI bot a prompt which was a poem of mine ….

__________________

the moment

i dared

everything surprisingly soft 

and blue

hugging me

away from the shore 

swimming in happiness

exhilarated

understanding

the power of going under

and

resurfacing

___________________________

and this is what AI made …

 

Playing around with this AI bot helps me to formulate what I actually want to see.
Which is how I used to work. I had an idea and then tried to build something that would look, through my camera lens, more or less like the idea I had formed in my head. 

The last couple if years I forgot to work this way, letting myself be seduced by the material I had, or found.

Not that I never did that before, but it had always served some “higer” purpose, everything I used was used in the framework of my overall ideas.
My being stuck in my art has in part to do with the fact that I forgot what I wanted to see, meyself, and show, to others. Then it is easy to get “seduced” by some funky looking material, instead of being inspired by it to use as a tool to enhance my idea ….
What I want to say is that I notice how hard to find it to formulate ideas of what I want to see and how that brought to the surface what I knew without knowing, that my loosing my creative drive had a lot to do with forgetting what I wanted to see …. It´s incredibly hard to go deeper, concentration is something I struggeled with all my life and forcing myself to go deeper without being distracted by social media, or shopping, or doing some “to do” from an endless list, is really hard. And mostly: worth it. 

today is a good day to seriously begin my “project” of 2 months of free creative exploration … in the hope to regain a spark, a momentum, new ideas and get rid of old creative cobwebs in my head …. 

a carte blanche to try out new things and maybe also get back to old ones with new impulses …. it´s more of a challenge to me then it might sound … I have been trapped in the same kind of loops and self defeating convictions about my work for quite some time and I find it hard to regain the freedom of expression I had when I began “making art”. The innocence i will never get back, that is impossible, but maybe the courage to acknowledge the voices in my head how tell me what is right and what is wrong and then do it anyway. Accept that i can make really shitty stuff and also good stuff, and that both are fine. To search for the courage to dare to try. Even at home when no one is looking I find it hard to experiment with a medium I have no experience with, to spend time being a beginner, it takes a huge mental effort to do things I actually want to do … 

This is for me, for the artist in me who wants to create and who wants to see if she stiull has something to show, to say, to bring into the world … 

For the moment I am hooked to creating images with an AI bot …. lots of half formed thoughs and ideas about this …. I will experiment with that …

 

 

 

in no particukar order ….

a warm October, swimming in the Ostsee on my birthday, a warm November also and then a cold beginning of December …. a trip to Luxembourg, and the end of the year …

and a video I made for a film course: